How to Tell if You're an Empath

Have you ever been described as an overthinker or highly sensitive? Do friends and family come to you for advice and do you find yourself in a deep conversation with a stranger at a party? If you’re vigorously nodding to all those things, then you might be an empath. 

I only discovered that I was an empath around two years ago. I was speaking to a colleague and explaining how overwhelmed I felt after a client had left. She was having a really hard time and I couldn’t stop myself from crying – but I didn’t know why! I had been fine speaking to her; I’d had no emotional response during the treatment. Yet the moment she left I was overcome with sadness.

‘You’re an empath,’ my friend said. ‘You’ve absorbed her emotions and now they’re your own.’

She’d flicked the switch and my entire life was suddenly illuminated. I did take on people’s emotions, I do try and solve their problems and I do throw myself heart first into every relationship I have. I am an empath. I started researching around empathic traits and it was a checklist to a lot of elements of my personality.

1. Crying when others cry

Compassion towards others is a natural human instinct but can be more pronounced in some people. If I see someone cry, I instantly feel my throat constrict and that prickling sensation in my eyes. Even if it’s an advert on television.

2. Feeding off other’s energy

This doesn’t mean you’re an energy vampire – quite the opposite. As an empath, you should learn how to identify those! For me, it’s being surrounded by my (very select) group of friends, or even just spending time with one of them. I instantly feel recharged. Even if I wasn’t low energy to begin with, their energy gives mine a little boost.

3. Worrying about what other people think of you

All. The. Time. I tend to pick up if someone has a negative vibe, and I instantly think it’s because I’ve done something wrong. Nine times out of ten I haven’t. It’s nothing to do with me. This can cause a spiral into feeling paranoid, self-centred or narcissistic because I had the nerve to think it has to be about me. I end up feeling stupid and selfish. But it’s not. The empath within me is on a caring overload and she just needs to take a chill pill.

4. People ask you for advice

I like being the person people turn to. It makes me feel helpful and fulfilled. An empath is a natural healer and the desire to help others is overwhelming. It may even guide you into a healing career. I worked as a childminder (caring for children) a teacher (caring for students) and a beauty therapist (caring for clients). Every career path I’ve taken involves communication, compassion and care. Go figure.

5. Experiencing highs and lows

Hell yeah! In the wise words of Ronan Keating, life is a rollercoaster, you’ve just got to ride it. I experience highs and lows daily. It’s a steep learning curve understanding this. For me, this manifests in anxiety and overthinking. I’m learning to accept this is part of who I am. I’m on the path to identifying and acknowledging my triggers and understanding what helps me to de-spiral. 

6. Instantly pick up on vibes

Ever been described as a great judge of character? Decided from the first time you met someone you didn’t like them, but you couldn’t put your finger on why? Then lo and behold they do something no one likes! You’re picking up on the vibrational energy of that person.

Empaths are more attune to this and it usually means you end up having a small circle of friends. Which is a good thing. Too many energies to juggle can be exhausting and not everyone will get you. I once walked past a man on my way out of a supermarket. I’d never met him before (at least in this life). The moment we made eye contact ice shards poured down my throat and liquified my insides. My heart furiously pounded as my body became overcome with fear. That was a physical reaction to his energy. Whatever vibe he was giving off, it wasn’t a good one.

7. Rushing, crowds and loud noises trigger you

I get stressed if my boyfriend tells me to hurry up. London always makes me feel nervous and I’ve always had an aversion to a heavy bass line, screaming children or even the telly being overtly loud. High stress scenarios can trigger an empath much more than others. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy clubbing or a music gig – you might just need a break to recollect yourself.

8. Socialising can leave you drained

However much I love to hang out with my friends, go to work and spend time with my boyfriend and family, I need my space. If I’ve had a few hectic weeks with a busy social schedule, I must remind myself to carve out some alone time. Sit and read a book, paint, bake, binge watch Modern Family. It doesn’t matter what I do, I just need to be with me. Usually this will only take a day and then I’m recharged for the next social occasion. If you’re an empath, it’s crucial to factor in that downtime.

9. Putting others needs before your own

When someone tells me something is wrong I instantly drop whatever I’m doing and focus on them. It’s okay if you’re surrounded by the right people. Some people (narcissists) take advantage of empaths. They seek them out because they know an empath will always put their needs above their own. Find your tribe who will reciprocate your care, that way you’ll know they’ve got your back when you need it.

10. Identifying liars

You know when someone is lying or hiding something from you. You can tell by their energy: it’s shifted. It may not be obvious, but you know something is different and they’re not quite telling you the whole story. This can manifest as a physical reaction from you. You’ll feel uneasy around them, treading on eggshells and worrying if it’s something you’re doing. It’s not. They’re just not being authentic. Hash it out or walk away – don’t pander to another person’s mistruth.

There are many other traits as an empath – this is no way a definitive list – but they’re certainly aspects that I’ve identified in my own personality. Being an empath isn’t a curse: it’s a blessing. It allows you to feel deeply, listen carefully and learn how to set boundaries to protect your energy. Empaths can feel emotionally drained but if you learn how to restore your peace then you can enjoy your empathic abilities and use them to help and heal others in this world. Every job role I’ve had provided the satisfaction that I was making a difference in people’s lives, no matter how small. That’s enough of a reward for me.

Do you know any other signs of being an empath? Have you experienced any of the above? I’d love to hear from you.

The light in me recognises the light in you.